I did find a new tryst
however, the thing with trysts is that's all they are ... trysts & nothing more. Part of me is totally happy with that because that makes it safe - no worries about getting too attached, involved & then hurt ... the other part of me wants someone that'll love me like there's no tomorrow ...
What to do ... what to do ...
The tryst is over
with the young guy. It wasn't meant to last anyway. The kid had the nerve to just start ignoring every text I sent him! I guess that tells you how immature he is ... Finally, he responded this morning with an "It's over" text. All this because he didn't want to just say - "I'm sorry, this isn't working out. The age difference makes me uncomfortable & although we gave it a shot it's just not working". I just let it go after he finally admitted what the issue was. I was so upset though - I mean - I'm not worthy of some kind of contact? I'm getting fired up again ... Ugh!
Whatever - question - anyone out there on Lithium? My hair is thinning & I don't know what to do! It works so well for me that I'm afraid to stop it ..
Last Night
was a good night. Nigel & I went to see a (former) coworker play in the bluegrass band he's in (neato!) & then went out to eat & back to his place & watched a comedy tape. It nice to catch up & hang out together - it's really been a while. He's doing good - although he's seeing that girl again & talking to his friends again which I don't exactly agree with.
He started talking about this other friend of his & was saying how he loves him like a brother & is very protective of him. I told him (about that girl) that he was crazy seeing her again & that I love him (but, not like a brother) & don't want to see him get hurt (again). He's so adorable that when I said I loved him he grabbed my hand & thanked me & said it means a lot to him.
We layed together & gave each other foot rubs & back rubs & I played with his hair while we were watching the comedy dvd. It was like old times .. I think it might have stirred up some feelings for both of us but, we're just friends now so ...
So, all in all - it was a great night.
Oh - but he made me eat when we went out & I had already eaten once that day! I don't eat more than once a day but, he keeps yelling at me that I'm too thin, I'm going to blow away & that I need more meat on my bones .. yada ... yada .. yada. So, I ordered Lasagna & it was good (too much food) but good. I've only lost 28.5 pounds - I'm not even where I was when I first met my ex. When I met him I weighed between 110-111 #'s. Now I'm at 118.5. Oh, well - he just cares about me - that's why he says something. I'm gonna fuck with him & send him an email on my space saying that now I can't eat all day because he made me eat that Lasagna yesterday - tee-hee!
Ok, please don't hurt me ...
I apologize everyone. I like all of you get worried when people don't post for a while & don't state that they're not going to be so I have NO EXCUSE.
I guess, I thought that if I didn't post it was like I didn't have to face myself ... I don't know.
Things have been crazy lately. I have been hanging out with a new group of friends (including my friend A from work) & met a really cool guy who is also incredibly young - god I'm not that bright when it comes to any good looking male species. I swear my sex drive is that of a guy - no matter where I am on the bi-polar scale. Anyway, we hooked up a couple of times but, the age difference is more than I'd like to mention .. (not illegal or anything - don't worry - just a lot - besides - I'm not completely crazy - LOL). Anywhoooo, now we're getting to know each other a better, I don't know that it's really going to go anywhere but, we have mutual friends so we're always in each other's company.
The past few weeks have consisted of partying, partying & more partying. Going to bed in the am for a few hours & then to the office hungover sucked. I finally got a grip on myself & remembered that I'm not supposed to drink so the past few nights I only had a few & enjoyed myself while everyone else got hammered, last night I had a Corona (only because it was hot & it was that or water & an ice cold Corona sounded good) & went to bed early. The cool thing is that even though everyone else gets loaded - they aren't at all the type to pressure friends that don't want to. In fact one in the group has been sober for 3 years so he obviously doesn't drink at all.
Nigel & I remain awesome friends. Although, he just got screwed over by this girl he was seeing. He called me very upset needing to talk to someone. He found out that after telling him how amazing he was & that she wanted to stop just dating & make it more of a commitment that she'd been sleeping with 2 of his close friends! He was heartbroken. He has since confronted her & is trying to move on. I am so upset that someone would do that to him. I love him to death & I hate seeing him hurt. One of the friends that slept with her is also the one that told him - so he's upset with that friend but, willing to forgive him because he was honest. The other one - when Nigel confronted him - he just said "yea" & nothing more - what a dickwad huh? Argh!
Well, I'm going to go lay out in the sun for an hour or so. I got layed off from work & I need to look for a new job but I have no gas so I'll be back on-line later to do some applying via the internet & I can't make it to tanning so the back yard is calling ...
