Today has been quite a reality check!
I had a friend at work challenge me about my relationship with Nigel & he helped put a lot in perspective. Unfortunately, we only had a 10 minute conversation but he's very insightful & a wonderful, caring person. We're doing lunch tomorrow to talk about it more. Basically, I'm letting myself let Nigel hold me back in more ways than I care to acknowledge. I've none it for some time but, I've been putting any & all decisions regarding it on the back burner. Not quite the "ignore it & it will go away" frame of mind but similar .. more the making a decision by not making a decision frame of mind. I know what I have to do ... I just don't want to ... I have to let him go - for good.
Anyway, more on this tomorrow probably ...
I wrote this a little while back but it still pertains ..
Driving down a road aimlessly with such desire to find the right route.
I try to look at all options but all I see is you.
You hurt me, you love me, you push me away.
You want me, you don’t want me, you ask me to stay.
I can’t continue this, this painful, unending game.
It hurts so bad, I just want resolution but I can’t see beyond the pain.
I love you, I hate you, I love you even more.
It kills me to even think of shutting you out, closing the door.
Is there a chance?
I'm back ...
At least temporarily. I've been using MySpace so much lately & with the move & all haven't been on here much. I'm getting to the point though where I need to blog-away & it's far too personal for MySpace ...
Nigel came down to visit Wed night & left today. It was so nice & yet so painful to see him. I'm so sad right now & it's driving me up a wall. I don't even know what to type here frankly but I can say that I'm a complete idiot for falling in love with someone ...
