Phew!
Ok, I'm happy to admit I was wrong (& you'll never hear me say that again!)!! I just got off the phone with Nigel & he wasn't at all thinking what I thought he was thinking. He's just very frustrated with being tired all the time & sick & having to stay home. We talked it all out & I'm quite relieved. His birthday is Friday so we're penciling in plans to do something on Saturday (hoping he's up to it). I have a good feeling though.This morning I texted the ex to tell him I didn't want him to take my car to VT to see this girl he met online & has been "seeing". I let him take the car up about a month ago but, forgot that he has his license suspended for writing a bad check to the DMV (smart!) & then not paying them back (smarter!) leaving it unresolved & getting his license suspended (smartest!!). I realized it this time & had to put the brakes on. I was thinking - if he got pulled over wouldn't my car get impounded?! Then what would I do? I am not going to worry about that when he has his own truck he can take & get out of any mess he gets in on his own. He's not my responsibility.
The other reason I decided that was because as you know if you read yesterdays blog - I've been fighting & succumbing & fighting & succumbing to a low lately. Last night I did go to bed after blogging & cried for a good few hours until I actually fell asleep & then this morning I almost sunk right back down but kept telling myself "No! You have to go to work & pretend everything's fine or you'll be in that dark place again & you hate yourself when you're there".
So, knowing of my fight with the ever approaching dark place, ugly ass bitch of depression I know that if I'm stuck with just that damned truck this weeekend - I wouldn't leave the house all weekend because I don't like driving it. I'm very uncomfortable driving it & I would end up stuck inside my head all weekend. I had to look out for myself.
Moving out & starting over is all about looking out for myself & if I don't well, then who will?
So, he of course got pissed off & we were "text fighting" (silly huh? LOL). He texted me telling me I was an ass & I was in the frame of mind where I was like "Tell me something I don't already know" & then he told me to fuck off etc. etc. etc. everything short of calling me a tramp. Then he says she can just drive down here then. I found that odd since he told me she had a DUI & couldn't drive .... hmmm... so I text that back & add - "You & your lies" because he always lied to me & that's one of the reasons I had to get away from him. That of course pissed him off (sore spot) so he texts me back making some reference to me "lying with 2 different guys". He's so immature - it made me laugh (especially since I'm not sleeping with 2 guys - I haven't slept with anyone in about a month now & I'm only seeing Nigel - Ted & I are just friends!). So I texted back thanking him for the laugh because it's so incredibly untrue. Yea, so he's all pissed now but, what am I going to do. It's not my problem.
Give them an inch & they want a mile right? That saying is so true.
You can't make everyone happy all the time. That one's true too.
Look out for #1 - that's my new motto.
posted by Openfields @ 8:21 PM
