Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Took a little trip

to the ER on Monday that resulted in a committment to the not-so-local looney bin. Good times. Now I have Lithium added to my meds list & I get to meet with my shrink tomorrow & get my blood levels checked on Saturday.

For anyone that wants to know - when they give you charcoal in a cup & tell you to drink it & won't tell you why --> it's because you're going to have the runs for about 8-12 hours. Would you tell the person you were giving it to what it was for? Yea, probably not.

What this charcoal cup subtly means is -- you sucked at trying to kill yourself (failure!) so now we're going to completely humiliate you to make you feel THAT MUCH BETTER!

So, oddly - after being completely scared shitless & embarassed & humiliated in the Psych ward I made some incredible friends who I felt more comfortable with than most people/friends I have outside of the psych ward. Scary, I guess I relate better to the nutso's than the non nutso's - tee-hee.

Oh & apparently having the runs in a bathroom with no soundproofing on your first night is a wonderful way to break the ice w/your new roomate. My God, we were both laughing our asses off. I had to tell her to stop because I couldn't go while I was laughing! It was hysterical!

Cracks me up too that they send you out of the psych ward after od'ing on pills with prescriptions for more pills -- tak!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Oy!

Well, Nigel came over again last night. He needed to vent about an argument he had with his brother. He (his brother) suffers from depression & refuses to get help. While Nigel is usually sympathetic because he too deals with it on occasion as do a lot of his family members he became frustrated with his brothers ability to "give in" to his depression coupled with his ability to refuse to go on medication or see his therapist. Anyway, we talked a bit about it (me mostly listening & offering my 2 cents here & there). It means a lot to me that he confides in me. We have truely become good friends. Anyway, then we watched The Royal Tenenbaums (great movie) & he asked if he could spend the night.

I of course said "Yea, you know you're always welcome here." & we went into the bedroom. Now, I was assuming that Friday night was an isolated incident so I didn't think anything of it until I started changing, took off my shirt, picked out a t-shirt to wear to bed, handed him my yoga pants to wear & noticed he had grabbed my t-shirt & was frozen-staring at me. Needless to say, I didn't manage to get the t-shirt back or on & before I knew it I was wearing well ... him. Hmmm ... friends? I'm thinking not. I have to say - it's such a turn-on when you lock eyes during - such a turn on!

Oh & I forgot to mention that earlier last week Nigel's friend "Scott" left a generic "What's up" comment on my Myspace page so I tossed one back at him. Not a 1/2 hour later Nigel called me to check-in/say hey (this was after we'd decided to date other people earlier in the week). Now, they work together & tend to check thier email/Myspace pages during their break (which is at the same time). Then, he comes over Friday night & last night ... coincidence? I don't know ... all I do know is I have/had no plans to date his friend - that just wouldn't be right & besides his friend is younger than him & I've learned my lesson with guys that young. What do you guys/gals think about that? My girlfriends at work don't think it's a coincidence but, Nigel isn't exactly the scheming type so it probably was just a coincidence. Or he saw it & it triggered some feelings for me? Eh, who knows.

That aside (well, sorta) I've decided that for now I'm not going to date anyone. I just don't think it's a good thing to do when whatever it is is going on with Nigel. We haven't talked about the dating thing again since we decided to not date anymore & since what happened (twice now) was so recent. I think we're both just letting what happens - happen. I hope it's the right thing to do. I don't want either of us to get hurt & I don't want to lose him as a friend because he's fast becoming one of my closest & dearest (& sexiest but, that's beside the point) friends.

That was good - I said "that aside" & I started writing about him again. Good job.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

The excitement in my life ..

To answer Jane's questions & not get kicked in the rear:

Yup, Nigel is becoming a friend with benefits. Although we were supposed to just be friends he showed up at 3:15 in the morning on Friday night (well, Saturday morning). He'd been at his friends house (just up the road) & was a little (ok a lot) tipsy (& horny as hell) & thought he'd stop by hoping I was home rather than driving home. Lucky for him I had just walked in the door not 2 minutes before! So, it was nice & the next morning we went out to breakfast.

I guess being just friends may not work out so well. But, it was more likely just an isolated incident - very unlike him. We've become really close friends & I'm not going to over-analyze it. He's a great person & a LOT of fun & I value our friendship.

The eyebrows - I usually get them waxed but, I did a good job on my own :-)

The hair - that came out good too. I just followed what my hairdresser had done with the layers & it came out fine (thank God!). I didn't cut too much off & probably could have cut a little bit more. I was being conservitive just in case. That way if it did get fucked up it wouldn't have been a very big deal getting it fixed.

Oh -- on Saturday the other guy (the 21 year old) decided he was horny & wanted to pick up his clothes that he left at the house so he came over & I basically turned him down. I just couldn't do it - I was starting to feel trashy. All he wants is sex & I can't even get a decent meal out of him. I'm a person not a piece of meat. It's not like I want stimulating conversation - just something to show that he acknowledges me as more than something to stick his you-know-what in! Besides, Nigel had just slept over the night before & I just didn't feel right.

So ... today I was feeling low - realized I'd forgotten to take my Lamictal ... took it & took a nap. I woke up & my eyes were full of crap & all red. The landlord had decided it was a good day/time to mow the lawn so I think it's just allergies but, I've never had allergies like this - it's awful. I put in my contacts & went out for a ride to the store & when I came back & went online they were hurting pretty bad so I took them out & put on my glasses. They were full of crap again & now they're all runny & bloodshot. Could it be the Lamictal or just allergies? I increased my dosage faster than when I first was on it per my doc's ok & I'm only at 50mgs a day & have been for 3 days now, after doing 3 days at 25mgs. I'm thinking it's probably just allergies but, I'll see how I am tomorrow before I call my pdoc.

Anyway, more good news: I found out that come September I will officially start outside sales. The current Adv Assistant is moving to the other office to take over as Production Manager for the Composition Dept & I will need to fill in until the actual Adv Assistant comes back from maternity leave (in Sept). This will give me a chance to learn a lot before the actual transition takes place so I'm psyched. Not to mention that the President/Publisher told me what I'll be making & it's almost 2x's what I'm making now! I'm loving that - plus by that time my car will be paid off - can't get any better than that huh?

Back to Friday night. Went to the jewelery party with the girls from work & then out to a couple bars. The one girl that I'm pretty good friends with now (A) got hammered & made a complete fool of herself (I was the most sober one - didn't feel like drinking). She was loud, obnoxious & talking to complete strangers. She even "fluffed" in the car & was screaming for her food at the McDonald's drive-thru & threw a fit because they were only offering the late-night menu & she couldn't get a double cheeseburger. Oh & to top it off -- before McDonald's we were at this bar & A wants to go outside for a cigarette but wants to bring her bottle of beer so she asks for one of my other co-workers (my temporary boss until I'm her equal in outside sales) J to borrow her larger purse. She ends up spilling beer all over the inside/bottom of J's purse. Mind you - this is a purse that J spent 3 months trying to find & it cost a few hundred dollars. A also got beer all over her $150 dollar wallet.

Then A. calls me at 9pm last night & I didn't answer. I finally called her back & left her a VM. She then proceeds to call me at midnight, 12:30 & sometime after 1am & texted me "PLEASE CALL". Now, ordinarilly I wouldn't mind a late night call but, I was just chilling, watching CSI re-runs & falling asleep on the couch so I ignored them. Well, the first 2 - after that I was asleep. Plus, I can only assume that if she's calling me at that hour she's probably wasted & I just didn't want to deal with it. ARGH!

Alright, well I'm hungry so I'd better eat something.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I figured I'd better post

before Jane kicks me in the rear :0

Sorry all, I haven't been online because I've been so busy lately.

News ... let's see....

The new job (well, transfer) is going great. I love my coworkers - they're an awesome group of girls & the reporters are cool too (save for this one guy that gives me the heebie-jeebies). Once September comes I will likely transission into what I really want to do which is outside sales --> stopping in at current advertising clients, picking up ad-copy, seeing how they're doing, stopping by at potential new clients, yada, yada, yada. I can't wait :-) I wont be stuck in an office all day - whoo-hoo! The Pres/Publisher even told me he was giving me a bonus this week for helping out & transferring offices! They're really good to their employees & know how & when to show appreciation.

The tryst with the 21 year old is over & done with - a one night thing. He's incredibly immatire (he's 21 for heaven's sake!) & there was no further intentions there anyway.

Nigel & I have called it quits as far as dating goes but, we remain good friends. He knows me better than a lot of people (well, except you guys - but he knows me almost as well) & we have some great in depth talks. I can talk to him like no-one else & I know our friendship will outlast any serious relationship so the decision to stop dating & remain friends was a good one. Had we continued dating I'm afraid we would have gotten to serious & when it ended it could have been difficult to remain friends. I really value his friendship & would rather hold onto it then lose it. We did however (of course) have one last night of hot-sex. Yes, yes - it was my idea & yes, yes he agreed - because in his words: "Well, I gotta be honest. I'm a guy & no guy turns down sex." -- LOL

Ted & I also are still "friends". I went out last weekend, got loaded off wine, beer & Tequila (yah, smart mixing it numbscull - I never do that - what was I thinking? Usually it's just beer or beer & tequila). Anyway, I (of course) ended up getting sick 4 times (part of that was the next day. Prior to getting sick I was talking with Ted who I was also partially holding up (talk about the drunk leading the drunk) & we ended up locking lips for a good half hour or so. It was him that leaned in. I guess maybe I'm his weakness as much as he's mine. Anyway, I still have feelings for him & I suppose I will for a while but, it's not going to lead anywhere so we just have fun. I invited one of the girls from work to hang out with us too & so she popped in with a friend of hers - it was fun to hang out outside of work - she's a cool chick & so is her friend. I think they left when Ted & I got lost in each other & forgot the outside world for a little while there ... It's amazing how easily two people can close out everyone & everything else ....

Medication: I'm back on my meds, saw the doc yesterday ... starting the orange Lamictal pack - he was going to pop me back on 100's but, I was a little leary (thinking of the muscle aches associated with each increase) so he gave me the pack & said I could speed it up a bit until I move to the 100's - judging by how I feel prior to filling the script. Getting back on my pills is a huge relief for me - HUGE.

So ... basically, I'm still manless & slighly hypomanic & of course -- HORNY.

I tweezed my own eyebrows the other day. I'm quite proud. I've always been scared thinking I'd over-tweeze so I would have them waxed ... Well, in an effort to save $$ I tackled them myself & did a stand-up job!

I also, got brave & cut my own hair. Crazy huh? Well, I think I actually did a good job! Odd, I just followed what my hairdresser had done last time with the layers & poof - instant trim. And I pay her $25? Fuck that!

So: Tweezing & hair-cut done myself: Saving $35 (including tip) .. maybe I should tip myself ...

I'm going to tanning still ... not as frequent as I will come actual summer but enough to maintain a moderate tan.

I have an eye-doctor's appt in a couple weeks. Need new contacts .. mine are months old & their Acuvue 2's (2 weekers). When I called I asked if I could have a few loner pairs & they were nice enough to give me 2 pairs so as to last me until my appt.

Ok, I think that covers it ... Bored yet? I'm still horny .. Oh & speaking of horny - (LOL) Dan - don't feel bad. Young guys are just for fun, older guys are for relationships. I don't want a relationship right now (well, I think) so I'm sticking to what I consider to be "safe".


Thought for the day (or question for the day):

Why do guys feel it's ok to honk or yell out the window about how hot you are but, then when you go out somewhere they just look & don't approach? Am I unapproachable? And, I don't count a "Wow!" in passing approaching someone.