Fuck it or should I say Fuck me PLEASE!
I saw "Ted" last night & although he's sending mixed messages he's sticking to his guns about being only friends. Why he kisses me, touches me, holds me while we sleep & looks at me with eyes that want more is beyond me. I called him on this & he still insists that he just wants to be friends. His reasoning is that he was just in 2 relationships that didn't work out & he wants to be alone for a while & not in another relationship.If that is how he feels then why the kissing & whatnot - the mixed messages? I again explained to him that this baffles me - not only because of the mixed messages but because I have always been the one to put the brakes on - not the guy. I've never been on the other side so to speak. This is all very confusing for me.
He admitted that he didn't expect nor want anything more than what he did the first night. I can't be upset with that because I didn't know what I wanted either. But, we saw each other so much after that & were together time & time again. There's an obvious & over powering attraction & affection towards each other that isn't going away.
I think I should stop seeing him but at the same time I can't stay away.
The other god awful thing (although some would probably disagree) is that I'm so incredibly horny & have been for the past few days. I emailed Nigel today in hopes to meet up with him this week because I know there will be no mixed messages there. Am I looking for a booty call - probably. Am I just doing this because I was turned down by someone that means something to me even though I wish he didn't? Probably. Is that bad or wrong? Probably. Do I care? Hell no - I'm horny as hell & even though Nigel is young (24) & immature - he's damn fine! Is my serious raging sex-drive overpowering my judgement? Probably. Again - do I care? Nope!
posted by Openfields @ 10:20 PM
