Frustration
Last night ended up being a total bust. This other dude that was supposed to meet up with us (the one I'm hopefully still going out with on Vday) copped out saying he was rehearsing with his band & had to get up early for a birthday party thing today. Well, I don't know what to think about this but I'm trying to convince myself he didn't just blow me off. I can't help but have that in the back of my mind though. I asked him if he still wanted to go out on Vday & he said yes & I told him I'd check back with him tomorrow night so we'll see.Alright, I have to get this off my chest:
I can't explain why but I have to admit that I really have feelings for "Ted". I think about him when I'm not with him & I can't help but worry that I'm just going to compare this new guy to him (& I highly doubt they are anything alike). I almost don't want to go out with this new guy. I know, I know - I'm still going to go & I'm sure I'll have a good time. In fact, I really need to meet other people to get "Ted" out of my system - although that may not work really well if we bump into each other & spend the night in each others arms. I just wish I knew where he was at (in his head) right now! That'd make things SO much easier. I'm really getting concerned because I think I could fall for this guy & I've never felt like that about anyone before - not even my husband. Are these false feelings? I just don't know. If only there were some kind of test I could take that would tell me!
Last night I saw him briefly but Jaime & I were going out to another place. What's strange is that he completely changed his plans to go out with her boyfriend - probably hoping I'd go too because initially Jaime was contemplating going with them & Adam said to me (because I was quiet from being hungover) "You don't really want to go out do you?" like a subtle hint that I go with them to their friends place instead (well, that was a long sentance). Anyway, "Ted" kept eyeing me like he wanted me to go but I just did my own thing & went with Jaime instead (and then made it an early night because I wasn't feeling very good & kept thinking that I wanted to be with "Ted" - not so much even bummed that the other guy copped out).
I'm trying hard to show "Ted" that I am my own person & if he wants to have something with me he's going to have to take some action & speak up. I'm really hoping I'm doing the right thing & I'm really upset with myself for getting attached & developing feelings for him - I didn't count on this ...
posted by Openfields @ 3:03 PM
