Going forward
Well, I'm home (thank God!). I knew babies were a lot of work but Jesus Fucking Christ! I seriously don't think I want kids right now - I could never be patient enough or give up so much time to another life. That probably sounds awful & selfish but this has reafirmed my thought that I didn't get pregnant for a reason when the ex & I were trying. I adore my niece but ... I needed time for myself!My fucking computer is so slow right now - I don't know what's going on ...
Anyway, my friend Jaime & our friends Brian & Edgar picked me up at the airport yesterday & then we went to Hooters & went through 2 "towers" (I had no idea what these were so for those that also don't know - it's a literaly a tower with 120 oz of beer in it & a little tap on the bottom - pretty cool). Jaime & I both got Hooters shirts too (the guys bought them for us - men are so easy - just kidding - well, not really, ok maybe - lets face it men - if a hot girl asks you to buy her a hooters shirt - you're gonna do it).
Then we headed back to Jaime's house & proceeded to get trashed. "Ted" showed up (because they're all friends & he just lives upstairs). We ended up hooking up again (well, sans any sex - just a whole lot of kissing & touching etc.). He & I can't just be around each other & be friends - it just doesn't work. I kept telling him too - friends don't do this kind of thing ...
I stayed at his place & this morning he asked me what I was doing today so I was honest & told him that I was going out with Jaime & this new guy who I'll also be going out with for Valentine's day. He seemed surprised & repeated his name with an air of possible jealousy - go figure. I think he's trying to hold back any feelings he has for me but then caves when he sees me. He of course (like many men) refuses to tell me about this or talk about it thus making it harder on himself. I'm sorry, but if he's not going to tell me how he feels then I'm going to --->
Stick to my guns. Like I said previously, I am going to enjoy life & just be myself. Whatever happens, happens. I plan to fill the new guy in on the "relationship" I have with "Ted" so he knows up front. I want to do things right this time even if it doesn't turn out to be anything - that's fine. I'm just going to enjoy myself & his company & only take things at face value for now. I want to be honest with him like I was with "Ted" about going out with this other guy.
Things will be taken slow with any new relationship. I made the mistake of rushing into something with "Ted" & I'm not doing that again - it only complicates things. I just have to say "no" to sex! That's so hard for me right now - it's not even funny. It was soooo hard last night but I didn't give in & I'm proud of myself for that.
Ok, enough for now. I have to catch up on my blog reading in the next few days here. Thanks to you all - as always you help to put things in perspective for me & offer such support :-)
posted by Openfields @ 2:57 PM
