My nightmare is back ...
I never told anyone this but I used to have dreams (nightmares) that I was laying in bed sleeping & my husband would wake up & try to smother/crush me in my sleep. He would roll over & push on my stomach & ribs every time I breathed so that each breath became less & less & he would be crushing my ribs. Sometimes he would manage to get under me & wrap his arms around me & pull to crush me. The dream would happen again & again & I would think I was waking up only to have him attack me again. I would plead with him but eventually I can't talk even if I want to because I can't breath without fear of being killed. When these first started I didn't see his face - it wasn't my husband but some dark man - eventually I came to know that it was him. I hadn't had this dream in probably a year - until last night. It's the most terrifying dream you could ever have. I'm being killed in my dream by my own husband.I don't know exactly what it means but I think it has something to do with my needing to be out of the marriage - but he's holding me back?? Or - I'm holding myself back & blaming him.
Regardless, the dream is so REAL that for the longest time I would wake up (after several false wakenings in my dream) & be terrified that it was going to happen again. I became scared to go to sleep at night & even wondered if it was really happening to me or if it was a dream! Is that not the most f*cked up thing in the world?
Is it anxiety? I'm scared now that it will keep coming back ..
posted by Openfields @ 10:14 AM
