Happy 4th everyone!
Note: I am a Pisces - the to enth degree. I am also an INTJ for those that have taken personality tests - I'm a very passionate person - passionate about everything - love, hate, loss. I tend to feel (or think) things more than your average person & take things to heart & analyze them every which way possible. I am a dreamer & I take action. My passions often get in the way of my decision making. Sometimes, I think things through so thoroughly that the time to take action might be gone (I get lost in the moment if you will). Other times, my actions & decisions may appear spontaneous but are still carefully thought out. All in all, I do not struggle to make decisions & those that do annoy me to no end. I do not like to appear (or be) weak. I am my own worst enemy & my own best friend - I do not need the help of others to bring me down nor to lift my spirits back up.Ok, now that you know a little more about me -- I hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend!!
Mine was pretty nice with the exception of yesterday. The hubby & I decided to go on a bike ride & I bonked so bad - I had to stop going up a hill. I should have known better - leaving the house with two donuts & coffee in my stomach (my free day). My body needs fuel or it puts a stop to things (with the exception of early am workouts when it doesn't know what's going on yet!).
I was so close to throwing up that I had no choice but to stop. Then, I felt like an idiot having stopped going up a hill, knowing my husband would be an ass about it (sometimes I'd like to replace him with a compassionate, intelligent, supportive man that doesn't just look good) that I started to panic & that made it worse.
So, I'm on the side of the road - trying not to throw up & struggling to breathe (who knew - it could be hard to breathe when your trying not to throw up) & make my way out of the panic attack.
Hello? I'm a personal trainer? WTF - I felt like such a loser.
To top it off - the husband comes whipping down the hill & screams at me that he's going home. So I'm like - Fuck it! I parked my pathetic ass down on the side of the road & take a few minutes to let the nausea pass before making it on my way.
I make it down the road & onto another pretty well - only a few very minor hills. The husband comes at me (he had turned around) & verbally bashes every ounce of self esteem I have while I try to peddle my ass off to get away from him. I'm screaming at him "Shut up!" & peddling like a mad woman to get away. He is damn lucky I put up with him. I am hard enough on myself why should I have to hear his worthless words? He's telling me that it's fine for me to push people but when people push me I get all pissed off - how can I be a personal trainer when I can't even take it.
Part of me hates him. I love him to death (God knows why). But, part of me hates him.
A good friend of mine who is 25 & has Rheumatoid arthritis once told me to remember - it's not the little things that count. But, when do you draw the line? When does something little become damaging to your self or your being?
So, contrary to what you're thinking - nausea - I'm not pregnant (well, I could be but I doubt it - we tried that for a year & nothing happened). I've also started a creatine load & I think it's making me nauseas. It's listed as a side effect so I assume that's the problem.
Today, I hope will be a good day. I may go for a run just to be by myself. I'm taking this week off from the gym & will only do casual at home workouts &/or running. I know I can't do nothing physical - it's just not possible as you that workout regularly know - so I'm not going to lie about it.
Well, enough for now. I am on talking terms with the husband. He is not a communicator - I do all the work in the relationship because I'm a moron & he's a moron & everyone sucks shit! Ok, so I'm getting mad & I'm going now - for real .. Sorry about the venting.
posted by Openfields @ 9:28 AM
