Update
I just want to say thanks to all of you. I so appreciate your comments & advice. To know that I have friends out there that don't judge me is an awesome feeling.I went out to dinner with my girlfriend last night. She's really good friends with (oh what to call him) - let's say "Ted" & thanks to her we met. It was instant attraction between he & I - instant. So, we chatted & she also is not judging me at all. She knows about past problems in my marriage. I have been tossing it in my head - to tell him or not to? His biggest fear has always been that I'd cheat. I've been paying for the cheating ways of an ex-girlfriend of his for over 10 years & not EVER done anything to jeapordize our marriage even when unhappy .. until now. I told her I think my plan will be to stay out late every night until he gets really pissed off.
Why? I firmly want to end this. I don't exactly know how. My husband has verbally abused me in the past - accusing me of cheating when I hadn't & called me a whore & all kinds of nasty names. I hadn't done a thing but stay out late. Now, it is inconsiderate to not call but if I had he would have been an ass about it anyway.
So, last night "Ted" came down to my friends apartment after we got back from dinner & we talked & it was SOOO awkward at first (mostly due to me) & then he asked me if I wanted to date him & I said "Well, I hadn't thought about that but, I guess yes" & he kissed me (with those incredible lips of his). --this while standing outside in fucking freezing temperatures because he wanted a cigarette (I had one too - he has such a way with me! I told him not to let me smoke anymore. Not that I ever crave one anymore ... I don't know). Then we went inside & kissed again & went back into my girlfriend's apartment & hung out for a while. Around 11 he said he was leaving & going to have a smoke first & asked if I wanted to come with. I so totally did & said goodbye to my friend & her boyfriend.
We went outside, smoked again. Kissed again (a lot) & then he asked me if I was leaving. I feel so incredible around him - I didn't want to leave. I asked him when he goes to bed, if I could go upstairs with him - I could see he was cold (he had no jacket on). He said sure. I told him if he really just wanted to go to bed I could leave. And, he said he could never say no.
We went upstairs to his apartment & talked for a few minutes & kissed again & we were again instantly turned on & made love. The man is incredible in bed. So forceful, pulling my hair just a little when he gets really turned on & kissing me so hard but soft at the same time. Cradling my head in his hands & wanting me so close. He feels so good inside of me I couldn't even begin to explain it. Afterward we talked some more & kissed some more & then he asked me (in so many words) if I'd orgasmed. I was honest & said almost (typically I don't come even close with actual intercourse & oral is required but not with him). He asked me if I wanted to & I said "How could I refuse?" He made love to me again. Often looking into each others eyes & smiling like we share a secret between only us & then kissing, so much kissing that it leaves me thinking of him even after - now.
God, it's like I'm writing soft porn. I hope I'm not making anyone blush! I've told my friend some of this but I can only tell her so much - detail wise because he's like a brother to her.
He's only 24, I'm 30. I think I could fall for him. I didn't intend to ever sleep with him, let alone have feelings for him (other then sexual frustration not acted on).
So my husband was calling my cell phone at 5am & drove by at 5:30 to see if my car was at my friends. I got home & there's a note on the door: "Hey Lisa -- thanks for coming home. If I wanted to sleep alone I wouldn't have got married. Enjoy your day". Now, the Lisa he's referring to is the girlfriend of a friend of his that sleeps around like there's no tomorrow. This guy just stands by & lets her though. She's super skanky from what I've heard. But, then - if the guy is letting her do it then who's the idiot here? Not that she's right - but Hello - hey just lets her (plus she hits him & calls him all kinds of names - awful, awful relationship) - he's even let her bring guys home & they have a daughter together.
Also, there was a message on the voice mail/machine that he "wants me out of the house by the time he gets home" & that all he asks of me is that I call & I don't & he's had it - yada, yada, yada. Sounds like my staying out late plan worked however .... a little faster than anticipated.
Ok, I just talked to my husband & I told him the truth. He wants to work it out & I said no. I broke his heart telling him I wasn't in love with him, that it's just not there anymore. Sex is an act that's always the same, he never initiates (because he's afraid of being turned down - by me - his own wife). He doesn't want the house, & we are going to work everything out to make sure each of us is settled. He even said I could have "Ted" move in with me if I keep the house. At least the relationship IS coming to an end. It's so hard, I do love him. Even though I'm not in love with him I still feel for him & I'm not a coldhearted person (although some people think I am) & I can't believe I'm breaking his heart.
posted by Openfields @ 9:26 AM
