An email
I just sent this email to my friend Jaime & thought I'd share with those that really understand. Obviously, I edited out "Ted"'s real name.I am dreadfully still sick. I have 1 cigarette left & frankly I don't care. For the first time in my life I had night sweats - last night. Apparently I'm running a temperature & didn't even realize it. I think I'm running with 1/2 a brain. I had to call out again & I can't even imagine what my boss must be thinking. With my 1/2 a brain I texted Ted last night that I forgot to tell him that he has to cook me at least 1 thing out of those cookbooks. He of course never responded.
I missed a day of my pills over the weekend & I've been crashing for the past 3 days (not to mention last week). I actually seriously contemplated suicide last night. I was thinking of taking all the advil (that I just bought), the rest of the benedryl, & the rest of the Nyquil, Dayquil & possibly all my mood stabilizers to see what would happen. I didn't (obviously) but I did go to bed with a coughdrop hoping I'd fall asleep & choke to death. I however couldn't sleep - I felt like it was 200 degrees in the room & I couldn't stop coughing so the cough drop just dissolved way before I fell asleep. I haven't taken a shower since Sunday - attractive huh? I don't care. I didn't tell you but on the anniversary of my mom's passing I had the same contemplation just in a different manner. You know that stupid commercial "depression hurts" where they say that it can cause physical symptoms too? Yeah, they're not lying - my back hurts, my neck hurts, the ankle I sprained over a year ago has been hurting - my whole body hurts - on top of being sick - not to mention I have two zits on my face & I never get zits!
There you go, a little glimpse into my super-fun struggles with being me. Whoo-hoo! Love it! I hate being like this.
So how's things?
posted by Openfields @ 8:47 AM
